38.

38 already looks like it will be a fun year. 

stomas and sister wives.

      I made it through my first semester of nursing school! One semester down and three more to go! I am beyond excited and so relieved to have passed my finals and have a few weeks to relax. The first thing my boys said to me was, "You mean we have you back now?!" The last few weeks have been spent at the library studying for hours and hours. My family has been so supportive and understanding, picking up the slack around the house and loving me through this crazy time. My heart is full with gratitude and I am so happy.


          I met a lot of really great friends in school and we pushed each other this semester. Most of the women I studied with have children and work outside the home in addition to going to school, so it was great to be able to motivate and encourage each other. I believe we all got stronger as the semester went on and really became conscience of what we are capable of. This journey has been humbling, challenging, and exciting- and it's only the beginning! We also had a lot of much needed laughs, especially as the study groups went later and we grasped for ways to remember information. Like stomas for instance...

      The past few weeks have been so busy. May always goes by in flash because it is filled with end of the semester events and end of the school year activities. One of the things that I  look forward to is  judging the Speech Festival at my college. Its fun to listen to students present their speeches and it is even more fun when they have come to you throughout the semester for help. Seeing students that I have tutored excel in their Com 101 class is a great feeling.

     Okay, confession. I love the show "Sister Wives." Since the Brown family moved to Las Vegas, we have seen them at Costco and Walmart but I have never really spoken to them- too embarrassed to bother them. Well, one of their oldest daughters, Mykelti, was a contestant in the Speech Festival and I was her judge the first round. She did an amazing job. After the competition, I asked her and her mom (Christine Brown) for a picture. They were both super sweet and kindly humored me as well as the rest of the tutors/judges. So fun!

  It is now officially summertime for me. I am ready to get back in the swing of things around the house, catch up on all the stuff I have put off, hang out with my family, and get some relaxation in. Ahhhh......life is good!

semester end reflection.

 

 

         As my first semester in nursing school is quickly wrapping up, I have come to realize that I have learned more than how to give an injection or write a care plan. In fact, this journey has left me with a list of things I have come to know for certain:

Prayer is more powerful than I have ever realized.

Our Heavenly Father truly cares about the little details of our life.

A thin layer of dust on furniture isn't going to kill anyone.

Children and husbands are satisfied with soup and sandwiches for dinner most nights.

My kids can clean bathrooms better than most adults.

When there is a test to study for, vacuuming and laundry look like a mini vacation.

Positive thinking and a confident smile can get you past almost any hurdle.

My husband loves me so much that my "wins" are his too.

I can multitask with the best: cooking dinner, helping kids with homework, and studying flashcards taped to the kitchen cupboard all at once.

A thoughtful friend bringing a  meal over for your family honestly touches your soul.

That its okay to check out for 30 minutes to regroup...even if there's a stack of clothes to fold.

Our floors haven't been washed in two weeks and no one has died...or noticed.

That losing myself in service makes me appreciate the blessings that I have so much more.

That sitting with a patient and listening to their stories can be the strongest kind of medicine.

Visualization is a powerful tool.

It's okay to be in "survival mode" sometimes.

That kids feel good when they can help you study.

Peers that help and encourage are a treasured gift.

That the toughest day looks better after a run with your headphones blaring Foo Fighters.

Sometimes just a hug from your bestest friend is better than a long conversation about your problems.

That the words "I am proud of you" mean so much more when you are working your butt off.

That I can do hard things.

Inspirational people can be found everywhere.

That when you are knee deep in case studies and care plans, the thought of having the time to repaint your son's bedroom sounds as good as a tropical paradise.

That packing your kids Lunchables for four days in a row doesn't mean you love them any less.

That 16 weeks flies by.

life in pictures.

 

I felt pretty loved on Valentine's Day.

 

 

 

Yep.

 

 

Clinicals are going well...but someone mentioned scabies and now I think about it non stop.

 

 

 

 

 

Sam is getting big, but he still likes to cuddle.

 

 

 Jeb is very into chess lately. I stink at it.

 

6 years.

...and I love him more today than ever.

the test.

My early morning drive to clinicals.

 It's 6:30 on a Wednesday morning and today is the day I have been dreading for months. Yes, months. Even before I started my first semester of nursing, I had heard stories about the test. The dreaded test. The test that would determine my entire future. If I didn't pass this test with a 90% or better, my standing in the nursing program was jeopardized. I would have to start all over. I would be forced to withdraw and reapply for next semester. I feel strangely calm as I had since the night before, but the room is a buzz with nervous tension. Thirty nursing students. One test. As the dosage and calculation tests are passed out, everyone scrambles to write the conversion table that they memorized to the smallest painstaking detail. I write my table out, and say a quiet prayer for the task ahead.

  As I turn my test over, I am suddenly filled with nerves. My stomach feels nauseous and my ears ring. I complete the first problem and move on to the next. I stare at it for what seems like forever, uncertain where to start or exactly what it is asking. I force myself to skip it and move on to the next problem, but I am having a difficult time concentrating. Panic sets in and I wonder if I should just give up. Then, from deep inside, that still small voice says, "You can do hard things."

   I complete the rest of the test and go back to the problem I skipped. I glance at the clock and can not believe that the forty five minute time limit is almost over. As other students start to hand in their papers, and the number of us left to complete the test dwindles, I start to worry all over again. Again, the reassurance appears when I need it most. "You can do all things through Christ that gives you strength."

   I check, and double check my problems until time is called. I hand in my test and walk outside. I feel like throwing up. The hall is alive with whispers of "what did you put for question five?" and "I think I did okay." I walk away from the crowd and sit on a bench by the front door. I feel like running away.

  I sit through an excruciating four more hours of clinical. I try to concentrate as I practice injections and checking blood glucose. Is this all for not? Will I get the necessary 90% I need to pass the test and stay in the program?

  Finally, the time comes to hand the tests back. My name is called and I am shown my test. 95% in red at the top of page. I passed. I still feel like throwing up. I am happy. I get to stay in the program. I can finish what I have started.

I can do hard things.

dad.

“I want you to know that you have made me so proud to be your dad,” my father said quietly. I leaned in to hear him better and he kissed my forehead and repeated, “so proud.” I sat by his bedside feeling as though we were the only two people in the world. I was so caught up in soaking in every moment that I didn’t realize that my mother, my brothers, and my sister in law were all quietly listening with tears streaming down their cheeks. My dad was my world and I refused to believe that these were my last moments with him.

            “I know that, Dad. I can’t wait for you to get out of here so we can go fishing again. It’s been too long,” I said somewhat hopeful, but more so in denial. My dad had been sick for a very long time. He had many stays at the hospital, but always returned home and regained his strength. I was sure that this was just another one of those times. He smiled and squeezed my hand. He knew exactly what I was doing, and he played along.

            “You’re the only one of my kids that can bait a hook, ya know? You catch fish better than your brothers. We need a day on a deep sea fishing boat, don’t we?” My dad did his best to smile and sound convincing, but I could tell he was tired from too many days spent fighting. He had struggled with heart disease for a very long time.

            My dad, Jim Downs, lived life to the fullest. He ate what he wanted, drank what he pleased, and laughed at people that exercised. Because of this choice in lifestyle, he had his first heart attack at 33 years old. His second heart attack was a decade later. The finale was a six way bypass surgery that happened at age 52. Ironically, this string of health problems had me convinced my dad was superman. Some people fall over with one heart attack. Others never wake up from bypass surgery. Not Jim Downs, he woke up from surgery and asked for a steak. Nothing seemed to slow him down. So surely this hospital stay couldn’t be any different, right?

            My dad waxed and waned between being fully alert and deep in sleep. After periods of unconsciousness he would awake and tell us of conversations he just had with his mother and aunt, who had passed away ages ago. “It’s going to be okay,” dad said. “My mom is there and so is my Aunt Edith. They are waiting for me.”  As peaceful as this sounded, I didn’t want to hear it. Did this mean he was close to death? Maybe the drugs are making him hallucinate. My mind raced trying to explain it all away.

            Our chat began again and he talked about how much he loved my mom. “Promise me you’ll take good care of her,” he said to my brothers who all nodded adamantly. “She means the world to me.” No one had to be reminded of that. Although my parents’ marriage was far from perfect, the love that they shared was something very real. My dad adored her and had taken on her three sons and loved them like they were his own. In return, my mom did the same for his only son. They blended their family together with four boys between them and added me to the brood and it worked. My mother’s sons had lost their dad when they were young, so I knew going through this for a second time was very difficult. All four tried to be strong for my mom and me, but I knew they were hurting as much as I was. I couldn’t begin to imagine what my mom was feeling. She was going to be a widow for the second time.

            We all watched as he fell asleep again. The room grew quiet and only whispered conversation could be heard. The air grew thick with a peace I can’t explain and a feeling of love that seemed to emanate from all around. Our talk turned to memories. Memories were shared of a full house on Christmas when my dad would make his signature fudge and the Fourth of July swim parties when we all waited impatiently for his barbequed ribs to be done. Memories of years and years of family vacations, Sunday dinners, and fishing trips filled the room. The sweet sound of laughter broke through when my brothers talked about the weekend motorhome trips to the races when my dad let them take turns driving the RV years before any of them even had a driving permit. A lifetime of love and time knitted us all together and my dad was at the very center of it all. What a bittersweet realization to have made in that hospital room so many years ago.

            My dad awoke and smiled. I couldn’t tell if he heard our conversation or if he had just returned from another heavenly moment. He took my mom’s hand and whispered, “I talked to Jesus.” A single tear rolled down her cheek and she smiled. Peace and warmth continued to grow until everyone was silent. We stayed that way for what seemed to be an eternity. As it grew late, the nurses came in and said that only two family members could stay.  Of course I offered, and of course my older brothers sent me home to get rest. They asked me to come back at 5am the next morning and relieve them. As I prepared to leave, I hugged my dad, and he pulled me close.  “You do know how proud I am of you, right?” he said. I nodded and told him I would be back. We said our I love you’s and I turned to leave. I stopped at the door and took one last look at my hero.  He smiled, waved, and blew a kiss.

            The next morning I got a call just before 5am. I let it ring twice before I picked it up. I knew what it was. My brother was on the other end and he simply said, “I’m so sorry.” I felt numb. I had no tears. I told my brother that I loved him and hung up. I opened the blinds to let the early morning sun in sat on the couch. It was already a gorgeous Saturday in July and the sun seemed a little brighter than usual. That peace that we had felt in the hospital room seemed to wrap its arms around me in that moment. It was going to be okay.

            Not a day goes by that I don’t feel like reaching for the phone to call my dad. It’s been sixteen years but it feels like just yesterday. Even though I only had him for a little while, I have no regrets of things left unsaid. He knew that I loved him whole heartedly and I knew that he did the same. My dad taught me how to fish, how to make amazing desserts, and how to make every day feel like a special occasion but the most important lesson he taught me was to cherish the ones we love and to treat every day as a gift. There are times that I miss him terribly, but that sweet feeling of peace always returns when I think about the fact that I made the most of my time with him.

           

           

 

37, tennis, & summer.

Last Friday, I turned 37 years old. I like 37. I am in a really good place in my life. I'm so content. I have the unique opportunity to go to school and work toward my goals but still be home with my kids AND  work outside the home. What a blessing.  My boys are at a great age, and conversations with them are becoming more and more enjoyable. Of course, being married to my very best friend doesn't hurt either.


My birthday was mellow this year, and I loved it. I think the best gift I have received this year is the gift of time with this sweet lady.

There was a time not too long ago that we didn't think my mom would be around much longer. By the grace of God, she is, and she's feeling better than ever.

 On the last day of school, the day before my birthday, this wonderful couple treated us to a birthday/beginning of summer lunch. I am so grateful for these two. These boys couldn't ask for better grandparents.

 Griffin was excited to be out of school.

Jeb is still excited, just in a cool, middle schooler kind of way. Later that day, he was on the tennis court for a lesson.

I really enjoy watching him play.

I don't think he always appreciates my enthusiasm and picture taking.

I am so excited that summer is finally here.  Our vacation back east is right around the corner, and until then we will be spending our days lounging by our pool. (Have I mentioned that I adore summertime?) 

This is the life. No classes for me, the boys are done with school, and we have a lot of time to be together and enjoy each other...and Sam can't help but smile about that!

catching up.

It is almost summer, my classes are over, and I finally have some time to put down  memories before they slip my mind forever. Let's start with Easter...

We had a quiet Easter just our little family of four plus our friend, Alex. We went to church and had a tasty Easter dinner that evening.

This guy is adorable, isn't he?

My favorite part of the day was watching Matt and the boys color Easter eggs. Usually this is something we do a few days ahead of time, but lately every second of our day has had something jammed packed into it, and the eggs just got jipped this year..

 Honestly, this was a very enjoyable way to wrap up Easter.

We talked about some really deep stuff while dying eggs. The Savior's sacrifice, the atonement, and the true meaning of Easter were all discussed. The air was so thick with love during those moments. I wouldn't trade that time for the world

Griffin's baseball season has been a blast!

 

He plays with a good group of boys who are all crazy, talented, and kind. They have an incredible time together and are a great team.

Griff started off in the outfield, but has been playing third base a bit. He really enjoys playing in the "hot box". He says the batters look like they're in 3D! I adore that kid!

The big G has had some great hits this season. It's so much fun to see his talent develop.  The games are getting to be so exciting to watch.

Griff definitely has a cheering section. Me, Matt, Chris, Eva, Grandparents, siblings...all come to watch.

In April, I was asked to attend the National Association of Communication Centers convention at Eastern Kentucky University. I traveled with the director of our Communication Center as well as two other tutors. Tutor Donny Watson entered and won the speech contest that was held. He competed against students from colleges and universities from all over the nation. Way to represent, Donny!

I spoke on a panel discussing customer service in communication centers. It was a great honor to be asked to represent CSN. It wasn't all business, though. We ate at some delicious restaurants in Louisville and did the zip lines at the Mega Caverns. Such a fun time. My friend Monica was the perfect room mate!

Jeb has officially traded in his bat and baseball glove for a tennis racket. He started taking lessons about 2 months ago and really loves it.

It's been neat to watch him progress. His form has improved and he is loving every minute of it.

Coach Craig is so patient and kind. He really takes the time to teach and encourage his students. I am so thankful for him.

Jeb also has been playing in the beginning band at school. He plays trumpet. He had two concerts this year and I am amazed at how good these kids play together. It has been a great experience for sure and his goal is to move up to intermediate band next year.

And he's so darn handsome. Love him.

ugh.

Can I be candid? I mean, we're friends, right? I don't complain very often, but I gotta say, today sucked. I would say the highlight was locking my keys in my car...at school...in Henderson...not Green Valley, serious Henderson. Like, so far out, I could see Arizona. THAT was the highlight.


I know it's nothing serious. No one died, no one has cancer. There's lots to be thankful for. But today I throw in the towel. Hopefully, today will make me appreciate tomorrow a whole lot more.


On a good note, I got a good run in today and it kept me sane. And I found this and can totally relate to it.

Tomorrow is feeling better already.

present.

Before I blog about my awesome mini vacation or catch up on a very important birthday that happened in the middle of the December mayhem, I have to share my word for 2012.

I am a firm believer in goal setting. I adore new starts: new years, back to school, new birthday years, new months, and even new weeks. I love the feeling of starting fresh and challenging myself to reach a little farther than before. I also love to look back at my accomplishments, and even my failures, and figure out what I can do to improve or learn from the experience.

So new years resolutions are like a party for me. Planning, daydreaming, writing, and rewriting all the goals and hopes I have for the new year is something I adore. But I fell into a rut. My goals were usually pretty much the same. They were the ones everyone has. Eat healthy, exercise, drink more water, read my scriptures...blah, blah, blah. All good things, but if my goals are always the same, am I really improving? I say no. So, when a friend introduced me to a new spin on resolutions I instantly fell in love.

She suggested that I select a word for the year, a theme to remind me of how I want to live my life. A word or a mantra to focus on and in turn improve myself with.

I've had the words "prepare" and "learn" in the past and each had given me renewed focus on the goals I had set that year.

This year, I know what I needed to focus on most. You see, like any mom, I am a multi tasking machine. I am always trying to check things off of my to do list. I am great at it, but I do it to a fault. So much so that it causes worry, anxiousness, becoming sidetracked, and the terrible habit of not being punctual. It has become a hindrance rather than a blessing.

Lately, I have heard more often than not, "Mom, come sit with me." "Mom, let's play a game." "Mom, are you done on the computer yet?" I realize that I have a very small window of time that these two boys will want my attention because before you know it friends, sports, and girls will take my place.

My word for 2012 is "present". I want to be more mindful of  where I am at the moment and more importantly, who I am with. I want to really look into the eyes of my children and see them and hear them. I want to NOT be answering texts and emails on my phone when I am at their baseball games or visiting with my mom. I want to hang on every word my husband says at dinner rather than thinking about the assignment I have due next week. I want to sit with a student I am tutoring and really listen to them rather than write a mental grocery list. I want to listen to my friends not just hear them. I want to pray without my mind wandering off.

Although multi tasking is useful, perhaps more can be accomplished if one is really present and mindful of the task at hand. If all my time energy is given to the present moment, maybe I will stop being anxious about the next...maybe I will be on time more.

My word for 2012 is present.

"You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment."

-- Henry David Thoreau

com 101.

One of my mandatory classes is communications 101. I was dreading it at the beginning of the semester, but turns out, it's the class I enjoy the most. This is my persuasive speech on why Daylight Saving Time is a bad idea. I think it turned out pretty well. I was incredibly nervous! The sound and the video aren't in sync, so it's kind of like watching a kung fu movie. :)

big day.

Well, as of today you can add full time student to my current positions held. I am a wife, mom, COO/CFO of the Munro household, real estate agent and.... college student. I wasn't nervous today, but there is a slight feeling of overwhelm settling in nicely this evening as I look over my class notes. Oh, and by the way, when did colleges start admitting 12 year olds to school?! The last time I was in school was in nineteen ninety ((cough, cough, gulp)) six. These kiddos I was in class with today were born in ninety two! Holy moly! Thank goodness grace and self confidence comes with age. :)