bittersweet.

           We just returned from seeing the kids. We had the bonus of Matt's mom and dad along too. Add uncles into the mix, and that's a lot of fun. Utah trips are always good. We see people we love and immerse ourselves in what the Munro kids are doing day to day. That is a very good thing. But Utah trips can feel heavy sometimes, too. It's a reminder that we are absent from their everyday lives. It reminds us that we don't know their teachers, or their friends, or their coaches. It's a reminder that the kids go by a different last name, and while we can understand why they do, there's still a very real sting that is felt by Matt as well as by his family. It is definitely a hard pill to swallow. That is when the distance feels like 5,000 miles instead of 500.

           We are really grateful for the good they have in their life: a great mom and step dad that are raising them well, opportunities that their financial situation can offer them, and a slice of small town life. Those things are amazing. Those are the things that we are thankful for.

       Most of the time, there is no "warming up" period, and we can jump right into where the last conversation left off. Sometimes, however, we see how the time between visits affects some kids more than others. That's something that can't be fixed in a weekend. That takes time.

    

             The weekend always goes too fast. The drive home is always quiet and the air is always thick. There's always resolutions made that we won't let that much time pass before our next visit, but as we return home, life takes over. Business travel plans are made and school obligations become a priority. Before long, another month has passed. Its definitely not how we thought it was going to be when we left that court room years ago. I don't think anyone considered that these kids would soon be little adults with active social lives, friends, sports teams, and school obligations of their own. We stopped having them come down to Vegas because we never wanted them to feel like we were pulling them away from friends and activities to spend time with us. We never wanted there to be any resentment. But there are still bedrooms for one little girl and three little boys just waiting to be filled for a few days.

   Matt and I talk about the goodness that fills our life daily: our relationship, the two boys, his job, our home. Those things are so good. But there is always a void that only his children can fill, and weekend trips seem to bring that void to the forefront. So until the next trip, Matt will still get excited for every text message he gets from Madi. We will still remember them in our family prayers every day. And we will continue to be grateful for the life they have and look for more ways to share in their everyday moments.