the thick of thin things.

It is very rare that I allow myself to stop. I feel that I am always on the go whether it be with kids, work, school, church or just keeping our home running smoothly. The times that I do find a break in all the busy-ness, I usually feel guilty about taking time to relax and do nothing. That guilt is so overwhelming that it pushes me back into momentum and I find things to keep working on.

My husband travels once a month for work, and my sons visit their dad overnight twice a week. When I find myself with a night alone in the house, just the dog and me, I go into overdrive. I start an organization project, I deep clean the house, I study, I workout...I do anything but sit still. That constant feeling of being on a timer is something I just can't shake.

Yesterday I found myself in that very spot. No husband or kids at home and I started thinking of what I needed to do. I checked my to do list, got into "go" gear (ha, ha - so Charlie Sheen!) when this unfamiliar feeling came over me. I'm not sure why, but I got the urge to do nothing. I only walked the dog, then settled in for a night of nothing. It was great. That nagging guilt I usually have to keep going didn't make an appearance. I was able to rest and renew myself and I know that when my family returns home, I will be a better wife and mom for having given myself a break.

I started to think about how we all rush through life with our to do lists (and I DO LOVE to do lists!) but we rarely stop to be still and soak up the moment. Folding laundry instead of playing Legos, working on a research paper instead of talking with loved ones...are we missing something? I want to stop being caught up in the thick of thin things and I want to be present. I want to stop and look at my sons when they talk to me instead of saying "MMhmm", I want to give my husband my undivided attention, I want to make my friends and family feel like they are the most interesting person I have ever spoken to, I want to quit checking my phone and start noticing sunsets. I want to learn to number my days. I want to be still.

It may be difficult at first. I will have to work hard to keep my mind from wandering to emails needing to sent or what to make for dinner, but I am determined to be present and enjoy the journey instead of always speeding up to reach my destination.