Step Parenting

My girlfriend and I had a long conversation about step parenting today. She has a steadfast rule never to date a man with children, but when you're in your thirties, it's hard to find a man who hasn't been married or had kids. When she does, there's almost always something wrong with them! She is very sure that she could never love someone else's children the way she could love her own. I hear that more with men than women, but I guess that's fair. When you love a step child, it's because you choose to not because you have to. You also have to accept the fact that you will not have the freedom to interact, love, and teach as you would your own because there is always their real parent to consider.
I have been a step parent a loooong time. In my first marriage I parented two children that I raised from the time I was 20 and they were 2 and 4. They are now 18 and 20 and I still hear from them quite often. They called me mom and I loved them like I have my own. I had no idea what I was doing, but hearing them say that the time they spent with me was the happiest they had in their childhood amazes me and melts my heart. It was hard, but that makes it worth it.
I find myself as a step parent again to young children, but I now have a very different mind set. I still love these kids unconditionally with all that I have and when they can be with us I treat them like I do my own kids. However, I find myself being very respectful and cautious of my place in their life. I am called Leona not mom, and even if they would want to call me mom I don't feel it's appropriate because they have their mom. I am content being a step parent and try my best to be supportive of their father and mother and step father. Sometimes it's difficult because I feel like I am held to impossible standards and sometimes it's easy. My goal is just to be sure they feel safe and loved when they are with me and I can only do my best with that. I asked my step daughter and one of my step sons what I was to them. They thought and thought and I guess they didn't think to say "step mom". They smiled and said, "you're our Leona". That's good enough for me!
The fact that Matt is super supportive is always a huge help. We can bounce things off of each other and help each other see through another set of eyes. And then sweet notes like this one he sent me help alot too.

We sure had a blast! Thanks for making this weekend w/ all the kids & all the activity go off with out a hitch! I may have done a ton of driving, but somehow you juggle 6 kids & make it look easy! You are the greatest Mom in the world to our kids & the greatest wife a guy could ever wish for! Love you!!

I have a great life, I'm a lucky girl and I'm glad to be blessed with some amazing kids to love and the right partner to share this journey with.