stomas and sister wives.

      I made it through my first semester of nursing school! One semester down and three more to go! I am beyond excited and so relieved to have passed my finals and have a few weeks to relax. The first thing my boys said to me was, "You mean we have you back now?!" The last few weeks have been spent at the library studying for hours and hours. My family has been so supportive and understanding, picking up the slack around the house and loving me through this crazy time. My heart is full with gratitude and I am so happy.


          I met a lot of really great friends in school and we pushed each other this semester. Most of the women I studied with have children and work outside the home in addition to going to school, so it was great to be able to motivate and encourage each other. I believe we all got stronger as the semester went on and really became conscience of what we are capable of. This journey has been humbling, challenging, and exciting- and it's only the beginning! We also had a lot of much needed laughs, especially as the study groups went later and we grasped for ways to remember information. Like stomas for instance...

      The past few weeks have been so busy. May always goes by in flash because it is filled with end of the semester events and end of the school year activities. One of the things that I  look forward to is  judging the Speech Festival at my college. Its fun to listen to students present their speeches and it is even more fun when they have come to you throughout the semester for help. Seeing students that I have tutored excel in their Com 101 class is a great feeling.

     Okay, confession. I love the show "Sister Wives." Since the Brown family moved to Las Vegas, we have seen them at Costco and Walmart but I have never really spoken to them- too embarrassed to bother them. Well, one of their oldest daughters, Mykelti, was a contestant in the Speech Festival and I was her judge the first round. She did an amazing job. After the competition, I asked her and her mom (Christine Brown) for a picture. They were both super sweet and kindly humored me as well as the rest of the tutors/judges. So fun!

  It is now officially summertime for me. I am ready to get back in the swing of things around the house, catch up on all the stuff I have put off, hang out with my family, and get some relaxation in. Ahhhh......life is good!

bittersweet.

           We just returned from seeing the kids. We had the bonus of Matt's mom and dad along too. Add uncles into the mix, and that's a lot of fun. Utah trips are always good. We see people we love and immerse ourselves in what the Munro kids are doing day to day. That is a very good thing. But Utah trips can feel heavy sometimes, too. It's a reminder that we are absent from their everyday lives. It reminds us that we don't know their teachers, or their friends, or their coaches. It's a reminder that the kids go by a different last name, and while we can understand why they do, there's still a very real sting that is felt by Matt as well as by his family. It is definitely a hard pill to swallow. That is when the distance feels like 5,000 miles instead of 500.

           We are really grateful for the good they have in their life: a great mom and step dad that are raising them well, opportunities that their financial situation can offer them, and a slice of small town life. Those things are amazing. Those are the things that we are thankful for.

       Most of the time, there is no "warming up" period, and we can jump right into where the last conversation left off. Sometimes, however, we see how the time between visits affects some kids more than others. That's something that can't be fixed in a weekend. That takes time.

    

             The weekend always goes too fast. The drive home is always quiet and the air is always thick. There's always resolutions made that we won't let that much time pass before our next visit, but as we return home, life takes over. Business travel plans are made and school obligations become a priority. Before long, another month has passed. Its definitely not how we thought it was going to be when we left that court room years ago. I don't think anyone considered that these kids would soon be little adults with active social lives, friends, sports teams, and school obligations of their own. We stopped having them come down to Vegas because we never wanted them to feel like we were pulling them away from friends and activities to spend time with us. We never wanted there to be any resentment. But there are still bedrooms for one little girl and three little boys just waiting to be filled for a few days.

   Matt and I talk about the goodness that fills our life daily: our relationship, the two boys, his job, our home. Those things are so good. But there is always a void that only his children can fill, and weekend trips seem to bring that void to the forefront. So until the next trip, Matt will still get excited for every text message he gets from Madi. We will still remember them in our family prayers every day. And we will continue to be grateful for the life they have and look for more ways to share in their everyday moments.

semester end reflection.

 

 

         As my first semester in nursing school is quickly wrapping up, I have come to realize that I have learned more than how to give an injection or write a care plan. In fact, this journey has left me with a list of things I have come to know for certain:

Prayer is more powerful than I have ever realized.

Our Heavenly Father truly cares about the little details of our life.

A thin layer of dust on furniture isn't going to kill anyone.

Children and husbands are satisfied with soup and sandwiches for dinner most nights.

My kids can clean bathrooms better than most adults.

When there is a test to study for, vacuuming and laundry look like a mini vacation.

Positive thinking and a confident smile can get you past almost any hurdle.

My husband loves me so much that my "wins" are his too.

I can multitask with the best: cooking dinner, helping kids with homework, and studying flashcards taped to the kitchen cupboard all at once.

A thoughtful friend bringing a  meal over for your family honestly touches your soul.

That its okay to check out for 30 minutes to regroup...even if there's a stack of clothes to fold.

Our floors haven't been washed in two weeks and no one has died...or noticed.

That losing myself in service makes me appreciate the blessings that I have so much more.

That sitting with a patient and listening to their stories can be the strongest kind of medicine.

Visualization is a powerful tool.

It's okay to be in "survival mode" sometimes.

That kids feel good when they can help you study.

Peers that help and encourage are a treasured gift.

That the toughest day looks better after a run with your headphones blaring Foo Fighters.

Sometimes just a hug from your bestest friend is better than a long conversation about your problems.

That the words "I am proud of you" mean so much more when you are working your butt off.

That I can do hard things.

Inspirational people can be found everywhere.

That when you are knee deep in case studies and care plans, the thought of having the time to repaint your son's bedroom sounds as good as a tropical paradise.

That packing your kids Lunchables for four days in a row doesn't mean you love them any less.

That 16 weeks flies by.

utah weekend.

We spent the weekend in Utah. We witnessed Madi win her first belt buckle for barrel racing. Had unbirthday fried ice cream at Los Hermanos. Played the "find the weirdest person at Walmart"game. Had game night and snacks at our hotel. Saw a zebra at a gas station petting zoo on the way home. It was a fun, fast trip. Too fast. We didn't even take pictures fast. Luckily, one of the uncles took this great video of Madison and Rocketta doing their thing.

 

We are grateful for time with family, no matter how quickly it goes by.

 

 

 

my eagle scout.

This is teen Matt and his dad, doing Matt's Eagle Scout project. I love these guys.

life in pictures.

 

I felt pretty loved on Valentine's Day.

 

 

 

Yep.

 

 

Clinicals are going well...but someone mentioned scabies and now I think about it non stop.

 

 

 

 

 

Sam is getting big, but he still likes to cuddle.

 

 

 Jeb is very into chess lately. I stink at it.

 

6 years.

...and I love him more today than ever.

the test.

My early morning drive to clinicals.

 It's 6:30 on a Wednesday morning and today is the day I have been dreading for months. Yes, months. Even before I started my first semester of nursing, I had heard stories about the test. The dreaded test. The test that would determine my entire future. If I didn't pass this test with a 90% or better, my standing in the nursing program was jeopardized. I would have to start all over. I would be forced to withdraw and reapply for next semester. I feel strangely calm as I had since the night before, but the room is a buzz with nervous tension. Thirty nursing students. One test. As the dosage and calculation tests are passed out, everyone scrambles to write the conversion table that they memorized to the smallest painstaking detail. I write my table out, and say a quiet prayer for the task ahead.

  As I turn my test over, I am suddenly filled with nerves. My stomach feels nauseous and my ears ring. I complete the first problem and move on to the next. I stare at it for what seems like forever, uncertain where to start or exactly what it is asking. I force myself to skip it and move on to the next problem, but I am having a difficult time concentrating. Panic sets in and I wonder if I should just give up. Then, from deep inside, that still small voice says, "You can do hard things."

   I complete the rest of the test and go back to the problem I skipped. I glance at the clock and can not believe that the forty five minute time limit is almost over. As other students start to hand in their papers, and the number of us left to complete the test dwindles, I start to worry all over again. Again, the reassurance appears when I need it most. "You can do all things through Christ that gives you strength."

   I check, and double check my problems until time is called. I hand in my test and walk outside. I feel like throwing up. The hall is alive with whispers of "what did you put for question five?" and "I think I did okay." I walk away from the crowd and sit on a bench by the front door. I feel like running away.

  I sit through an excruciating four more hours of clinical. I try to concentrate as I practice injections and checking blood glucose. Is this all for not? Will I get the necessary 90% I need to pass the test and stay in the program?

  Finally, the time comes to hand the tests back. My name is called and I am shown my test. 95% in red at the top of page. I passed. I still feel like throwing up. I am happy. I get to stay in the program. I can finish what I have started.

I can do hard things.